“Spoiler alert: In marriage, there are other parts too: closeness brings about disagreements and arguments. It is inevitable; it is part of the deal and peculiarly necessary (arguments lead us to the reason we picked our partners, mastering how to repair them heals us.” – Yamel Corcoll-Iglesias, LMFT.
Marriage is a unification of two different people committed to becoming one; similar to the Yin and the Yang, two different energy combined creating harmony within. There comes a time that the peace will be disrupted by unforeseeable circumstances, and this is the time that the Yin and the Yang must maintain their balance to keep the harmony.
Just like in marriage, arguments and petty fights are the spices in it; they keep the relationship grow and mature throughout time. They even strengthen the love you feel for each other. But what if, these spices can no longer be dealt with anymore? “Being married – successfully – is hard work,” wrote Susan Tschudi, LMFT. “Couples often fall into unsatisfying and unfulfilling patterns of relating to each other,” she continued.
What if in the middle of your married life you started to feel that the relationship was falling apart? Will you still be able to keep the balance?
During this time, the mind is preoccupied with a lot of things, mostly negative thoughts such as anger and frustrations. When couples are arguing, they are both in a fury, until they ended up hurting each other physically, emotionally or both. This can only bring the marriage to rock bottom. However, if the mind is conditioned, this will not resort to a serious fight. Here are some ways where couples can utilize to help manage conflicts in their relationship.
Meditation is a mental conditioning technique where it allows you to clear off your mind with negative thoughts as you find your inner self. The Science of Happiness, a new field of social science which promotes positive psychology, emphasizes that when the mind is engaged with positive emotions, it allows the person to commit himself, establish a positive relationship, and find meaning and purpose in life as he accomplishes things. Finding calm in the chaos is like calming yourself and let the Science of Happiness takes in. When couples are having a test of the relationship, meditating and remembering the ways to be happy will be of great help in overcoming the goliaths in their daily struggles.
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed psychologist, “When marriages fall apart, it is often due to negligence and carelessness. Anything that can amp up mindfulness, such as meditation, keeps a relationship healthy and responsive.”
Remember good things. Always remember the happiest days in your married life, why you decided to make an eternal vow to each other. By doing this, will it still be easy for you to forgo the relationship?
Say thank you. When was the last time you said, “thank you” to your partner? Showing appreciation makes someone happy and this is all we need to be appreciated.
Do good things. Do you still remember how you made your partner felt relieved from a good back massage after a long and tiring day? No matter how small or significant your efforts are when you do something right, you still make a person happy.
Friends and Family. Are you having quality time with your family? Do you still go out and meet your friends as a couple? Even in married life, you should understand that both of you have a circle of friends and family, and you have to make sure that you still keep the communication between friends and family.
Forgive. Are you keeping sentiments towards your partner? If yes, let it go, you are only hurting yourself, and I am pretty sure it does not make you happy.
Exercise. Have you tried working out together? Exercising releases happy hormones, meaning if couples exercise together that means double happiness! Exercising does not only improve your health, but it also allows you to enhance your relationship as you will have quality time with each other.
Notice good things. When people notice us for some good reason it makes us happy. Have you complimented your partner’s effort in preparing the dinner or how beautiful she is in her new haircut?
Deal with problems as couples. You must face every challenge together, no secrets and lies. You must remember that you are one. In dealing with problems, never sensationalize over social media. It is not right that the whole world needs to know what you are undergoing right now.