“When we lose a loved one, the pain we experience can feel unbearable. Understandably, grief is complicated and we sometimes wonder if the pain will ever end.” – Jodi Clarke, LPC.
Grief can be caused by losing someone we love or something precious to us. It can bring us into deep despair which can be challenging to overcome. Grief is defined as a form of the following:
These forms of grief can confine us eternally, and each of us has a different approach in dealing with them. There’s no manual to follow to get out of it. All of us have experienced grief in different ways, and people grieve about various things. The executive director of the Grief Recovery Institute, Russell Friedman, said that grief isn’t confined to a loss of a loved one; a change in behavior can cause it. Keren Humphrey, the author of the book Counseling Strategies for Loss and Grief, and a retired counseling professor described grief as a loss of something meaningful.
Whenever you realize that you are grieving, it is fundamentally necessary to think if you have done enough to overcome it completely. Some cultures have suggested that there is a length of time for someone to spend in the grieving process. However, for some, they can move on by being busy, going on about their day to day lives and eventually, their grieving emotions begin to fade.
Approaches To Resolving Grief
One way of overcoming grief is the realization that our loved one will not want us to be suffering. Instead, they’d like us to recall the good memories with them and move on with our lives.
Not knowing how to arrive at a resolve or conclusion can prohibit us from freeing ourselves from grief.
Claire Bidwell Smith, LCPC, also says this about grief: “The bottom line is that our culture needs to do a better job of embracing death and supporting the grief process. If we can continue to grow the conversation about grief and bring awareness to the experience of dying we will all able to support each other and create more healing grief experiences.”
Additionally, releasing ourselves from grief can really be tough since the person is no longer present. However, there’s a recent technique from an ancient concept that can help us with the grieving process, and it is called forgiveness.
The first technique is we need to know what type of emotion we are feeling and think if we need to keep it that way, and for how long we need to endure it.
Another technique is to focus on the positive things which help lessen the grief we are feeling. Lastly is to have someone to talk to about things we regret to say or left unsaid for a while.
Roya Rad, PsyD, advises, “Replace the negative feelings with positive ones: Cognitive modification is a great tool to be used here. Using statements that focus on looking at the loss as something temporary. For example, “that was a rough period of my life but I will move forward.”
The following is a form of meditation that can reduce the feeling of grief.
Meditation For Grieving
If you ever felt grief due to the passing of a loved one, allow a few minutes to sit still and read on the following steps for meditation.
- Look for a place where you will not be distracted or bothered for the next 15 to 20 minutes. Sit on a pillow or a blanket to feel at ease.
- Start deep breaths at a slow pace. Focus on your emotion, just feeling it and not analyzing it.
- Begin to recognize your feelings in a kind and caring way. Try to think about the face of your loved one or visualize them sitting in front of you.
- Then think about the unsaid things you want to say and believe that you are speaking with them. Say what is in your heart, focus on the emotions and think of what will they most likely tell you. Say that you forgive them and let them say the same for you.
- Then bring your focus to the happiest memories you have with them. Try to relive the happy times and deep relations you have with each other allowing grief to become a positive feeling.
- Once done, breathe deep and slowly again. After a few minutes of silence, you may end your meditation.
There’s no immediate solution to remove the pain from grieving. It is a journey that can be short or long. One thing to keep in mind is that we need to go through it rather than suppress it and pretend that everything is fine. Suppressing your grief can bring about physiological symptoms sooner or later. Facing your pain and being more honest with yourself will help you recover better during the grieving process.